You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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