yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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