the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
bring money and cleavage
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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