it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
