I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
