her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
