I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
