Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
