Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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