Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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