I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why do cheetos always look like penises
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
