You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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