Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
