alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
True strength comes from lack of pants
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
