i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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