Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
