No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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