True but thats because hes a fetus.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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