Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
