is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
