someone owes me an orgasm
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
