friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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