So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
