just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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