so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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