I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
