brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
