Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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