and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
