everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do herpes really smell.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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