You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
