I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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