So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
