sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
