I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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