I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
