I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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