Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
