someone threw a dead crab at me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
