New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
