Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Mom said you looked used
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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