just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
