This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
