I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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