well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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