had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
