the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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