would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
