Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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