I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
