I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
