I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i dont even know how to be here
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
