Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it's like iHOP with fire
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
