He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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